Best of Joe Budden v.2: #13 Exxxes

joe18

Song: Exxxes

Album: Padded Room

Year: 2009

Previous: not ranked

There no room for me and you to grow, don’t love me then leave me alone, do both, then she apologize for anything that she did, said without me, she can’t think of no reason to live

Depression…is all over this song.

Joe creates a woman in this song. The woman is exactly like him. He names her Ashley.

He meets her and is surprised by how much he knows about her since he’s never had a conversation with her. He realizes that they have many things in common including similar physical features (tattoos) and the same background story (parents were addicts, both dropped out).

He calls Ashley an unattractive woman with baggage. He says she likes to be physically abused during sex. She wants Joe to take on the role of an attacker and hit her. During some arguments, it turns physical and in one, she ended up in the hospital.

As the relationship continues, Joe realizes she suicidal. She doesn’t want Joe to break up with her. She can’t live without him. She’ll miss everything they done together.

I thought the song was creative and brilliant. The way he shows depression throughout the song was interesting.

When he refers to Ashley as unattractive, he really means himself. His depression has taken over his life and he stopped caring about his appearance. The baggage part is an ode to himself who comes with a shady past that includes his battles with drug addiction.

Whenever the situation gets physical, like those arguments that lead to a hospital visit, it was Joe who was in the hospital. He wanted to kill himself. The same could be said when Ashley picked up the knife and becomes suicidal. It’s him that’s suicidal. The depression has reached the point where Joe was contemplated killing himself.

The last few lines of the third verse, speak wonders to me. I see those lines as Joe talking about his depression.

His depression accompanies him. They’re always together. So when he’s alone, his depression is there too. When Joe lies, his depression is there. When Joe cries, it’s there too. Anything Joe does, his depression follows.

Joe knows that.

Therefore, he hopes it will follow him to his death and they die together. He says that because he feels alone, which is something people who have depression often feel. They think they are alone in this world, with nobody to talk to. But that’s not true. There’s always someone to talk to.

I’m here.

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